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Strategically Overcoming
Complex Problems

Never use your child as a messenger between you and your ex

If you are a parent who is involved in a conflict-ridden divorce or who still can’t communicate amicably with your ex, you may find that it’s easier to send requests or information to your coparent through your child. After all, they’re not going to lash out at their child in the same way that they speak with you, right? Nonetheless, parents should never be communicating through their children.

There are many alternative ways to communicate if you and your ex-spouse don’t get along. You can leave messages via voicemail, send text messages or use a monitored chat service through the court system, for example

There is never a reason for a parent to put a child in the middle of a dispute. Doing so makes you look bad to the court, and it could be a factor if a judge is still making decisions regarding your custody and visitation rights. With so many alternatives to passing messages through your child, there is really no reason to do so.

You may want to speak with your attorney about the possibility of seeking court-monitored communication tools or using coparenting tools to monitor your discussions and keep them civil. You may also want to consider therapy, mediation or other alternatives that could get you and your ex-spouse back on speaking terms when it comes to the care of your child.

There are solutions to high-conflict cases. If you’re struggling with parenting issues due to an aggressive or confrontational ex-spouse, your attorney can help you find the best way to resolve that issue for the good of your children.